I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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