The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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