Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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