Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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