all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found your dick twin last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
