Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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