I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
