I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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