Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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