Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
