can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
