life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
