I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
