And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
