I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
