HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
