You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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