woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
