I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
