yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
