im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said her name was "party"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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