in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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