I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
