This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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