He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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