There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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