just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
