He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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