I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
