According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
