Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
