Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
