Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
home. puking in laundry basket.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How's work?
Spinning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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