i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
