two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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