What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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