Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
