not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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