my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
