You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
