Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
