why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
