Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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