i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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