u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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