you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
