1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
