I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
