If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
