you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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