it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Randomize
