never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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