you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
