So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So squirting runs in the family.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
