I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
