Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
