I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
