we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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