WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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