so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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