i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
