Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
